Acceptance, Be Happy, Be Kind, Fake People, Get Over Yourself, Photo Shop, Self respect, Uncategorized

Is It You, Or Is It Photoshop?

I recently got a friend request on social media by an old acquaintance.  I recognized the name, but I did not recognize the face.  Now, I do understand that most of us look different than we did twenty or thirty years ago, but it’s because we have a few more wrinkles or gray hair.  This person is older than me, but she looked so photo shopped and filtered, that she didn’t even look like an older version of herself!  Why?  Who was she trying to fool?  Is she that insecure with herself that she can’t admit that she is now thirty years older than the last time I saw her?  Doesn’t she like herself?

This morning on one of the morning shows, they discussed an app to fix your face.  I get it.  It makes sense to get rid of blemishes, or a few wrinkles sometimes.  But when you’ve lengthened your chin, widened your eyes, raised your cheekbones, narrowed your nose, slimmed your thighs, etc, you no longer look like yourself!  The image you are putting out there is fake.  Not only are you putting out a fake physical image of yourself, but it tells me that your personality is also fake, or dishonest because you’re trying to be something you’re not.

I’m not talking about super models and actors being photo shopped and have their cellulite smoothed.  Looking beautiful is their job.  But it does put pressure on “real” people to try to age the same way.  Too much focus is on this, and not on what really counts…..beautiful hearts!

Do I wish I looked younger?  Of course! But I am glad I know what I know about life at this age!  My wrinkles and the 10 extra pounds I’ve gained in twenty years are my scars that represent personal and spiritual growth.  I’ve always had a bit of a problem being a door mat, but as I’ve grown older (and wiser….and more wrinkled), I am better at standing up for myself.  I know I don’t have to take abuse from anyone, and I know I don’t have to kiss anyone’s butt to be liked.  Sure, it hurts when people don’t like me, but I know I can’t do anything about it.  I take pride in the fact that I always try to be nice and understanding.  For the most part, I like me!

I will not be fake.  My personality is not fake, and neither is my face. I’m not so insecure that I feel the need to alter my appearance to where I am unrecognizable. I am me.  I will always be me, even with my wrinkles!  I’m not a super model, nor do I try to look like one (my legs are too short anyway!).  I’d rather be recognized for the good things I do, my sense of humor, generosity, and kindness.  So if you see a picture of me on social media, it’s all the real me.  And….as for the lady who sent me a friend request?  Well, I didn’t accept it.  I don’t know that person.

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Acceptance, Attitude Adjustments, Being Strong, Coping, Happiness, Positive Attitudes, Uncategorized

I Didn’t Expect That!

Things don’t always happen the way we expect, do they?  Yesterday, I had planned to spend the day with my youngest daughter, Grace, going to pick up a new (old) mid-century modern cabinet I had purchased for some of my antique dishes.  It was supposed to be a relaxing day, with quality mommy/daughter time.  The trip itself went well, and we took our time going to other fun little shops, produce stands, and had a nice big breakfast in a little diner that time seemed to have forgotten in a tiny little town along the way.  We definitely mad a day of it!

We returned home and unloaded the cabinet by ourselves with only one small mishap….Grace bumped her funny bone on the brick wall while carrying the bottom part of the cabinet.  I was so worried that she had really hurt herself (she broke her arm twice when she was little, and it occasionally still bothers her).  But she was okay, and we decided to just take it easy the rest of the day since we were pretty tired.

But having a mother who was a bit manic when it came to putting things in place, I felt an urgency to get my dishes into the cabinet right away to make it look nice.  After all, it wouldn’t take long, and then I could really rest.  It wasn’t like I was going anywhere, right?

I was putting some things away,  rearranging some pieces, and lifted a crystal bowl.  It broke into pieces, and one piece sliced open my thumb.  The pain was excruciating.  It wasn’t a wide gash (fortunately, I have tiny hands), but it was deep, and bleeding a lot.  I did manage to catch the pieces of what was left of the bowl without it shattering all over the floor.  I screamed, cursed, and ran to the sink to wash it.  I could tell from the pain that it was deep, and later found out that it was more of a puncture from the angle of the glass.

Grace and I hopped back in the car, and she drove me to Urgent Care (much faster than the Emergency Room…..we may still be there if we had chosen that route!).  After getting the blood stopped, the wound cleaned, and an option of stitches (I chose not to have them, and instead, I have glue and antiseptic to keep MRSA at bay, and I had to get a tetanus shot), we were headed back home.  Needless to say, this was not how we had planned to spend a couple of hours.

We were both exhausted, and didn’t expect this unfortunate event, but as I always try to remind myself….things can always be worse!  There’s always something to be thankful for!  I finished putting away my dishes, and am very happy with my cabinet.  I still got to spend time with Grace, even if it was at Urgent Care (she helped me fill out the forms).  The glass missed tendons, even if it hit an artery….once the bleeding stopped, it was more manageable. I didn’t have a ton of shattered glass to pick up when I got home.  I avoided stitches, even though it may have been a good idea to avoid scarring.

I’ve known so many people who lose their minds when something doesn’t go as planned.  Sure, it’s an inconvenience…..sometimes a BIG inconvenience.  But what good does it do if we get angry and start complaining or taking it out on people around us?  What does it accomplish?  In my experience, it only makes those around us feel horrible, and why would we want to do that?  Even as my thumb was hurting, my daughter and I were making jokes with the nurse in the exam room….he even teased about finding a pair of scissors big enough to amputate!

My husband tells me all the time that I have a positive attitude.  I try, even though I sometimes worry and get sad.  I really do try to see the positive side of people and situations most of the time.  I try to make the best of bad or uncomfortable events in life.  I now have another story/memory about spending the day with Grace, and getting my new cabinet.  I’m glad she was there to help me when I needed help.  Learn to appreciate everything, whether it’s silly, unexpected, painful, routine, or even scary.  We can learn from every event in life.

So even though the day didn’t turn out the way we thought it would, it was a great day!  May you find something positive about each day!

Acceptance, Attention Whores, Be Kind, Bullying, Doing your best, Egos, Get Over Yourself, Kindness, Manipulation, Manners, Rejection, Relationships, Respect, Uncategorized

Being the Bigger Person

Do you ever get tired of doing the right thing?  I know people who never do the right thing….ever….and they don’t care.  I don’t always do the right thing (no human does), but I try.  I’ve made plenty of mistakes!  I had parents who had a way of making me feel guilty if I were rude, mean, unkind, disrespectful, or ungrateful…..not being nice……not doing the right thing.  Still, from the grave, they have a way of “guilting” me into doing the right thing! You know, they were good parents, and gave me a conscience!

I know people who don’t give a damn if they don’t give someone the time of day.  In fact, they’re so selfish, spoiled, and narcissistic, that they don’t understand why everyone isn’t falling all over them.  They love being adored, and it doesn’t matter who they step on to get that adoration.  If I knew that I was hurting someone by being unfair or unkind, I would feel horrible!  I teach my little 1st graders to be nice, and I am notorious for saying, “Hey guys, we don’t treat each other that way.”  When I see adults being petty, selfish, jealous, judgmental, and hurtful, I’m taken back to my adolescent days with mean girls.  Even men can have those “mean girl” moments!  They become masters of manipulation to get others to fall into their games.  It’s a selfishness really, and a fear of not being the center of attention.  I guess I’m not like that because I’m secure enough that I don’t feel the need to be the center of attention!  So….is their meanness and selfishness really a sign of insecurity?  A fear of not being popular?  Or is it a fear of not having control over situations and other people?

I’ve worked with people who have passed me in the hallways as if I’m invisible.  It’s an odd feeling, and I always think to myself that they are so incredibly full of themselves that they are too good to even nod, smile, or say, “hello.”  This is America, and Americans pride themselves on being friendly and helpful, so why are they so rude?  Depending on my mood, I might smile and say loudly in their direction, “HI!  HOW ARE YOU?” This usually startles them, makes them feel a little embarrassed, and they’ll respond to me.  Other times, they’ll look at me like I’ve lost my mind, and ignore me anyway.  That’s actually kind of fun sometimes…….scaring them with friendliness!  But I guess that’s just my twisted sense of humor…….I just tell myself I did the right thing.  I made the effort to be friendly and nice.  Once, when I was at a new school, I had a teacher from a different grade level tell me she would have been nicer to me if she had realized I was a fellow teacher!  So….she didn’t have to be nice or respectful to me if I were a paraprofessional? A custodian?  Or a substitute?  Or a parent?  One thing I will not be accused of is being a snob!  I will treat everyone with the same respect.

Sometimes it just gets old.  Sometimes I don’t want to be the bigger person.  Sometimes no matter how kind or generous you are to someone, they will never like you or give you the time of day, or reciprocate your kindness.  Ever.  But don’t let their insecurities and selfishness overcome your kindness and spirit of generosity.  If you are rejected repeatedly, you don’t have to keep being the bigger person.  It’s exhausting, and can be detrimental to your self esteem and your heart (if it’s someone you care about).  There’s a saying that goes, “When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.”  There are people who don’t deserve an ounce of kindness from you if they are cruel or mean to you.  You don’t have to always be the bigger person.  This is something I am getting better at.  I can be polite, but I don’t always have to be the one to risk the rejection of cold hearted people who don’t care about me anyway!  Although, it’s still sometimes fun to startle them, with friendliness when they aren’t expecting it!  Hehe.

Acceptance, Be Kind, Egos, Insensitivity, Karma, Kindness, Lies, Manipulation, Rejection, Relationships, Respect, Self respect, Support, That's life, Uncategorized

Here Comes the Karma Bus!

I’ve always been a believer in karma.  Some people don’t believe in it, and that’s okay for them, but I’ve seen it too many times to dispute it in my life.  If you do good things, good things will come back to you.  Just as, if you lie, cheat, and steal, it will come back to you. Sometimes we have to go through some very rough times before we feel the effects of karma, but it’s usually quite satisfying when we finally see it pan out!

I’ve known people who have had their hearts broken, and they claim they did all the right things.  They treated their former partner with respect, spoiled them, doted on them, etc.  Now usually, a breakup is a two way street, but occasionally, it is true that one person gives more, and gets taken advantage of.  They can’t understand why things didn’t work out when they were doing all the right things.  Well, of course, it’s a life lesson, but the “karma bus” will most definitely catch up to the one who did the hurting!  It may take time, but I believe it will happen.  And, the one who got hurt usually ends up with someone a lot more suited for their personality and needs….someone who treats them with respect and reciprocates the good care they have given.  Soooooo….karma has come back to them in a positive way.  It works both ways.

If someone has been a liar and cheat for most of their lives, it’s not usually an easily broken habit.  They get away with it for as long as they can, and when it catches up to them, they still don’t take responsibility for their dishonesty.  In their minds, it will always be someone else’s fault.  There are people in this world who make a living cheating others….their spouses, neighbors, family, customers, the government….  They’re greedy, arrogant, lying cheaters.  Instead of compromise, they tend to bully their way through life, using money to get their way.  And when called out and proven that they’re in the wrong, they still refuse to admit it…..didn’t happen….fake news……  They’re somehow above the rest of us who have tried to do the right things, and they continue their shady ways.  Don’t worry…..karma will catch up to them.

I try to always be nice and understanding to people.  I make mistakes, just like everyone else, but I try to remedy it in my actions every day.  I’ve always believed that if you are kind and nice, warm and friendly, generous and compassionate, you will get that in return.  Not everyone treats me the way I’ve treated them, and it really does hurt.  That’s when I tell myself that I have to step back and try not to care about their poor treatment.  Their karma will get them just as mine will reward me.  I’ve made a point to “be the bigger person” so many times.  It sometimes sucks (a lot!), and I admit, I get tired of it.  I have done things for people who I know will never treat me with the same kindness and respect.  Sometimes I have to protect myself and just walk away…..no hate or anger….just self preservation.  Karma can take care of that too!

Be good to people.  Be good to those who are good to you.  To the liars, cheaters, arrogant people and meanies….sit back, rev up the engine on the karma bus, and watch what happens.  Let karma take care of it.

Acceptance, Attitude Adjustments, Be Happy, Being Strong, Coping, Courage, Invisible Illness, Just Breathe, Laughter, Love, Passion for Living, Thankfulness, That's life, Uncategorized, Unexpected Life Events

Just Keep Going…

It’s been 130  days since my AN diagnosis.  Since then, I’ve been through loads of doctor appointments (I’ve lost count), a variety of tests, another diagnosis of an infection in my mastoid bones (behind my ears), which seems to be resistant (I’ve been on 4 different antibiotics so far), and a seizure.  I’m now on anti-seizure meds, and a few things to try to control my headaches.  This seems to be the new “normal” for me, and we just keep hoping for the best with each appointment.

I try not to miss any work.  I’ve actually only missed 3 days out of 70 so far this year, and have taken an early leave here and there for doctor appointments.  I also go in early almost every day……a habit I’ve had for a very long time.  I know if I sit at home, I would get depressed…..something that is easy to do with any illness.  I don’t want to add depression to the list of conditions and symptoms.  Besides, I love my students, and appreciate that this is probably the best class I’ve ever taught!  I guess I need them right now.  They let me know how much they love me, and how much they care about me.  They tell me constantly that they love me, they hug me, they make pictures for me, are pretty well behaved, and they understand that sometimes I can’t get up too fast!  I told them about my recent EEG, and they enjoyed imagining their silly teacher with the 25 electrodes coming off of her head.

I don’t let a lot of people see me when I’m feeling bad.  I have learned to manage that very well.  The teacher who teaches next door to me, Tamesa, has become such a great friend.  We vent, laugh, cry, and support each other every day!  She is one of the few who sees me holding my hurting head, or can tell by the look on my face that I’m in pain, and knows what is going on, without me having to say anything.  It’s nice to have a friend/co-worker like that, but she also understands my fierce independence, and knows when I just need to push through.

I have had people ask me how I do it.  How do I keep going?  The commute? Teaching 1st graders? The work load? One of my husband’s friends in New York said in his thick NY accent, “She’s a troopah!” Well, what choice do I have?  Like I said before, I don’t want to sit home and get depressed, having no interaction with anyone.  While I might need more rest now, I still believe that I can manage this more effectively by continuing to keep busy, and keep a normal schedule. And…..I don’t want to give up my way of life.  I don’t want to get old before my time.  Young at heart = hopefulness and positivity.

I have seen people with chronic illnesses give up, go on disability, stay home, and become old before their time.  If you know anything about me, you know I have a sense of adventure and fun, and a curiosity to learn about people and places.  I love travel.  I love museums.  I’m not old enough to give up that part of myself.  I might stumble a bit here and there.  I might not hear everything, especially in a noisy room.  I might be hypersensitive to loud noises.  I might have headaches.  I might feel pressure in my ear and head.  I might have vertigo that makes life feel extra wobbly.  I might have to be more aware of the signs (auras) of an impending seizure.  I might have to eventually have surgery. But my life will not stop being enjoyable because I have a chronic illness! I refuse to give in to this.  I guess this is where my stubbornness pays off!

Over the last 130 days, I have learned so much.  I’ve learned that I am much stronger and more determined than I ever realized.  I’ve learned that I keep my balance better if I give myself more time and turn on lights!  I’ve learned that my husband is a jewel (I actually already knew this, but he has just confirmed it, as he helps me up every morning so I don’t fall, reminds me to be careful, and is understanding and supportive with my fatigue and limitations).  I’ve learned who really cares about me, and who is there to support me on this journey, wherever it leads me.  Fortunately, there are a lot of people supporting me that I never knew cared so much!  I’ve learned that naps are not only enjoyable, but they really do help!  I’ve learned a lot about two illnesses that I have, that I never dreamed would affect me.  I’ve learned to really appreciate small acts of kindness, quiet moments, fresh air, a good laugh, a walk, and all of the positive things in life.  I want to be the best me I can be for my children, who I know have been worried and scared through this.  I want them to enjoy their silly mama, who loves to laugh and embarrass them in public.  I want to be the best me for my husband, who shows me his strength every day, but I know he worries and gets scared from all of this too.

So the last 130 days of knowing what is wrong with me has been an emotional and physical roller coaster, but I appreciate what it has given me.  Things can always be worse!  I can do this…..with a few adjustments and a lot of support from those who love me.  I’m not ready to give up anything yet…..and I won’t.

Acceptance, Anger, Anxiety, Be Happy, Being Strong, Crying, Emotions, Happiness, Laughter, Uncategorized

Healthy Crying

I’m a crier.  I cry when I’m happy.  I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m tired.  I cry when I’m in pain. I cry when I worry.  I cry when I’m angry.  I cry when I miss someone.  I cry when I feel sentimental.  I can’t help it.  Sometimes it makes me mad!  I wish I could control it better, especially when I’m angry.  It can get embarrassing at times, but when I’m mad, it really just makes it even worse!  My mother was a crier, and my sisters and I used to tease her about it, or get embarrassed.  I’m convinced I jinxed myself because I’m 1000 times worse than she was (I think).

When I’m mad and crying, the person I’m angry with either thinks it’s funny, or feels superior, as if they’ve conquered me, and that I’m weak.  Of course, those types of people are really just bullies, and their motives are to make people feel weak and helpless.  I am not weak and helpless.  In fact, I”m a pretty strong woman, as was my mother.  I have learned that tears are not a sign of weakness.  Tears are merely a sign of being able to feel completely.  To be able to shut that off would have helped me in a lot of situations, but it also would be the end of me being able to feel every emotion as intensely as I do.  I’m not sure I want that.  If I stopped crying when I’m angry, I may not laugh as heartily, with my silly snorts and not being able to catch my breath.  If I didn’t cry when I’m angry, I may not feel the same compassion I feel now for others.  Or, I may have a cold personality, and not be able to express myself with any warmth at all.

People who antagonize someone, or try to push someone to the point of being angry are nothing but bullies…..or assholes……take your pick!  They find it fun to upset someone, and make them feel embarrassed when they start to cry, or attempt to fight back tears.  Yes, they are bullies, and have no feelings or compassion for anyone else.  I’ve been in that situation a few times.  It’s hard, and my voice shakes, and I cry. I’m not afraid…..I’m just feeling that emotion with great intensity! It isn’t easy at all to deal with, but I feel sorry for them in that they don’t really feel anything at all.  How can they enjoy or appreciate life?

Tears and emotions are okay.  It is sometimes embarrassing, and we end up spending a lot of money on tissues!  When I laugh so hard I cry (and snort), it’s a wonderful feeling!  My kids will make me laugh at something, and I laugh harder and harder…..becoming  silent, to where I can’t catch my breath.  Then they say, “Oh no!  She’s going to snort!” And sure enough, I always do!  Through my tears, I snort like a pig, which makes everyone laugh harder!  That’s embarrassing too, but at least I get a good belly laugh!

I have decided that I will not feel ashamed of this trait I inherited.  It’s me.  It’s real.  It’s sincere.  It’s who I am.  I feel with great intensity, and I’m thankful for that.  Life is too short to have to try to hide who we really are.  I should feel thankful that my mother and father taught me how to express emotions, and communicate my feelings in a healthy way.

Tears are okay.  Tears are not a sign of weakness.  Tears are a sign of a healthy spirit.  Criers unite!  Stand up to jerks who see you as weak, with your healthy tears.  Have a good healthy cry today!  And those of you who may look at us as though we are too emotional or weak……I’m sorry you see us that way, and if it makes you feel superior to us, you are wrong.  I’m sorry you are not able to feel as deeply as some of the rest of us.

 

Acceptance, Attitude Adjustments, Be Kind, Insensitivity, Kindness, Respect, Shit happens, Taking responsibility, That's life, Uncategorized

Everything Does NOT Happen For a Reason

We’ve all heard the saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” Do any of you hate that saying as much as I do?  I believe that SOME things happen for a reason, but not “everything.”

Usually, when that statement is made, it’s because we have learned a lesson by the events that have taken place, or the choices we’ve made.  Yet, it’s also a cop out and lame excuse to make in order to justify an outcome, or to make sense of things.  I understand that certain things in life happen in order to teach us something, or for us to make changes for the better.  I understand that the choices we make help us to make better choices in the future, or at least, different choices.  Yet, there is a whole lot of ugliness, hatefulness, selfishness, jealousy, spitefulness, violence, and evil in this world, which causes a lot of misery for others, at no fault of their own.  That statement makes the victim’s pain seem insignificant…..and justified.  That’s wrong.

The violence and abuse directed at children, innocent women in an abusive relationship, animal abuse, hate crimes against a person of color or someone “different” than them, and murder of completely innocent people happen FOR NO REASON.  Why do we say that a child being tortured and murdered “happens for a reason?” How cruel is that for the child’s parents to hear?  It’s ignorant and mean to say this around someone who is hurting.  Is this said to make us feel better about not being able to prevent it?  Is it said as a way to comfort ourselves in the event of tragedy?  There are so many horrible, senseless tragedies that happen in our world to innocent victims.  It’s unfair to treat their pain and suffering as something the rest of us can learn a lesson from.

Stop saying, “Everything happens for a reason.”  It doesn’t.  It’s mean.  It’s stupid.  Just because it makes YOU feel better for saying it, others, who have truly suffered at no fault of their own, find it painful.  Everything does NOT happen for a reason.  Just because you learned a little (or big) lesson on the path of life, does not mean that “everything” happens for a reason.  Life is about learning, and finding who you are.  Learning along the way is normal.  If you don’t learn anything, then something is wrong with you, and you will continue to make the same mistakes along the way.

If events in your life were different, and if you made different choices, you would still learn something.  You would still meet significant people along the way.  You would still have goals and aspirations.  Timing would still be important to what happens, and where you would end up.  There would still be difficult people along the way.  If you said then, that “everything happens for a reason,” then wouldn’t that contradict the life you have actually led?  We don’t know how different things would be if certain events didn’t happen along the way.  We don’t know what it would be like if we met different people, chose different careers, made different choices.  We don’t know.

Every time I hear someone say, “Well, everything happens for a reason,” I want to tell them that I feel sorry for them.  They obviously don’t have any faith in their own decision making, or confidence that they can make changes in their life.  I also pity them for going through life having no compassion or empathy for anyone who has suffered.  Do NOT say, “Everything happens for a reason” to someone who is hurting.  Actually, just stop saying it altogether. Things happen.  Life happens.  We obtain goals.  Dreams come true.  Terrible events occur………lift each other up, support each other, and stop making the lame excuse of “everything happens for a reason.” It just happens.