Acceptance, Attitude Adjustments, Being Strong, Coping, Happiness, Positive Attitudes, Uncategorized

I Didn’t Expect That!

Things don’t always happen the way we expect, do they?  Yesterday, I had planned to spend the day with my youngest daughter, Grace, going to pick up a new (old) mid-century modern cabinet I had purchased for some of my antique dishes.  It was supposed to be a relaxing day, with quality mommy/daughter time.  The trip itself went well, and we took our time going to other fun little shops, produce stands, and had a nice big breakfast in a little diner that time seemed to have forgotten in a tiny little town along the way.  We definitely mad a day of it!

We returned home and unloaded the cabinet by ourselves with only one small mishap….Grace bumped her funny bone on the brick wall while carrying the bottom part of the cabinet.  I was so worried that she had really hurt herself (she broke her arm twice when she was little, and it occasionally still bothers her).  But she was okay, and we decided to just take it easy the rest of the day since we were pretty tired.

But having a mother who was a bit manic when it came to putting things in place, I felt an urgency to get my dishes into the cabinet right away to make it look nice.  After all, it wouldn’t take long, and then I could really rest.  It wasn’t like I was going anywhere, right?

I was putting some things away,  rearranging some pieces, and lifted a crystal bowl.  It broke into pieces, and one piece sliced open my thumb.  The pain was excruciating.  It wasn’t a wide gash (fortunately, I have tiny hands), but it was deep, and bleeding a lot.  I did manage to catch the pieces of what was left of the bowl without it shattering all over the floor.  I screamed, cursed, and ran to the sink to wash it.  I could tell from the pain that it was deep, and later found out that it was more of a puncture from the angle of the glass.

Grace and I hopped back in the car, and she drove me to Urgent Care (much faster than the Emergency Room…..we may still be there if we had chosen that route!).  After getting the blood stopped, the wound cleaned, and an option of stitches (I chose not to have them, and instead, I have glue and antiseptic to keep MRSA at bay, and I had to get a tetanus shot), we were headed back home.  Needless to say, this was not how we had planned to spend a couple of hours.

We were both exhausted, and didn’t expect this unfortunate event, but as I always try to remind myself….things can always be worse!  There’s always something to be thankful for!  I finished putting away my dishes, and am very happy with my cabinet.  I still got to spend time with Grace, even if it was at Urgent Care (she helped me fill out the forms).  The glass missed tendons, even if it hit an artery….once the bleeding stopped, it was more manageable. I didn’t have a ton of shattered glass to pick up when I got home.  I avoided stitches, even though it may have been a good idea to avoid scarring.

I’ve known so many people who lose their minds when something doesn’t go as planned.  Sure, it’s an inconvenience…..sometimes a BIG inconvenience.  But what good does it do if we get angry and start complaining or taking it out on people around us?  What does it accomplish?  In my experience, it only makes those around us feel horrible, and why would we want to do that?  Even as my thumb was hurting, my daughter and I were making jokes with the nurse in the exam room….he even teased about finding a pair of scissors big enough to amputate!

My husband tells me all the time that I have a positive attitude.  I try, even though I sometimes worry and get sad.  I really do try to see the positive side of people and situations most of the time.  I try to make the best of bad or uncomfortable events in life.  I now have another story/memory about spending the day with Grace, and getting my new cabinet.  I’m glad she was there to help me when I needed help.  Learn to appreciate everything, whether it’s silly, unexpected, painful, routine, or even scary.  We can learn from every event in life.

So even though the day didn’t turn out the way we thought it would, it was a great day!  May you find something positive about each day!

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Anxiety, Be Kind, Being Strong, Compassion, Coping, Courage, Emotions, Fear, Happiness, Invisible Illness, Just Breathe, Kindness, Loneliness, Love, Loyalty, Make a Difference, Misconceptions, Rejection, Relationships, Respect, Self respect, Thankfulness, Uncategorized, Understanding

You Don’t Always Have to Be Strong

I’ve been thinking a lot about the recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain lately.  It’s really heartbreaking for their families, and leaves so many unanswered questions, but it seems that only when something like this happens do we really understand how much pain (emotional or physical) someone may have.  Of course, it’s too late to help them at that point, but how do we help someone who is hiding their pain from those they love? How do we know?  Some people love playing “the victim,” and love getting the attention that goes along with that.  Others of us, however, don’t want to be a burden on those we love.

My daughter had a friend who committed suicide a few years ago.  They were very close in high school, and then this friend ended up pushing away my daughter, along with a lot of other people who had been her friends.  Of course, it makes sense why she pushed everyone away now, but at the time, how could anyone know that she was hurting so much?  She pushed people away with meanness and made them not want to be with her.  I guess in her way, she was trying to protect them from the pain she knew she may eventually put them through.  Even when it happened, my daughter was not mad at her.  She hurt for her.  She still loved her.  She understood then that her friend had needed help, and didn’t know how to ask for it.

We all need help from time to time.

Last summer, I found myself in a dark place.  I was not suicidal, but I was sad.  I was afraid.  I was hurting.  And I was feeling a lot of pressure from so many different places.  I had been diagnosed with a medical condition that will be with me for the rest of my life.  I was alone when I got this diagnosis because my husband was in New York with his family.  I had recently been terribly hurt by some people I really cared about. I had no idea how I was going to handle another year of teaching with this type of medical diagnosis.  I was bogged down with some very difficult, important paperwork that was pushing me to my limit.  I was overwhelmed, alone, confused, sad, and hurting a lot.  I didn’t want to die, but I wanted to disappear for awhile.  I laid down on the kitchen floor, and cried.  And cried.  And cried.  And cried.  And finally a calmness came over me, and I got up and finished my paperwork that had been frustrating me so much.  I was still upset and alone, mad and frustrated, but I knew I had to pull myself together to keep going.  It didn’t matter what anyone else thought of me, or how anyone was trying to hurt me.  I had to keep at the paperwork, no matter how confusing and difficult it was.  Al would be home in a few days and we could begin exploring our medical options, and he would be home to comfort me.  It would all be okay.  I was entitled to a meltdown for all I was dealing with.  But I had to get up and face these obstacles.  I had to be strong for my husband and my children.  I couldn’t disappear.

Al and I had a discussion earlier tonight about how when either of us is hurting or sick, we try not to let the other one see how much we’re suffering.  We try to protect each other, even through our own pain.  I didn’t tell Al about my major meltdown last summer until recently.  I didn’t want to worry him, or put any added stress on him.  He worries enough about me….why cause him to worry more?  Why cause him added pain?  When he is sick, he tries to conceal how bad he feels so I won’t worry.  It hurts to see your partner hurt.  We are strong for each other, but we also know that sometimes we can’t handle everything alone, whether it’s a physical illness or a giant weight on our shoulders.  We need help from each other.  We don’t have to do it alone, and it has taken me awhile to learn this.  It isn’t something I’ve been used to.

Those people who are in so much pain that they take their own lives, aren’t trying to hurt anyone else.  So many times they have been protecting their loved ones for so long it becomes too heavy of a burden to carry.  They’ve had to be strong for everyone while they hurt.  They’re really quite selfless, even though some will argue just the opposite.  They’re funny, compassionate, and caring, but they have hidden their own feelings in order to protect those they love.  We know to take care of those who ask for help.  But let’s take care of those who seem strong too.  Let’s be there for the ones who always seem to be there for everyone else.  Let’s be there for the ones who start isolating themselves, even if they don’t want us.  Let’s be there for the ones who make us laugh when we want to cry.  Let’s be there for the ones who say, “I’m fine.”  They may be the ones who are suffering the most, and don’t know how to ask for help.  We are all human, and every human needs help at some point in their lives.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255